So you want a Traditional Marriage???

I keep hearing ‘traditional marriage’ this and ‘traditional marriage’ that. This has become a big issue. What of traditional marriage? Historians will tell you that over time marriage has changed in its traditional view. Even from Biblical times, marriage has changed. You can’t even quote the Bible without sounding hypocritical, because marriage in the Bible was far different than it is today.

That being said. I decided to compile a list of rules to follow, that dictate traditional marriage from earlier times. If you don’t fit on this list and are married…then shame on you! You are not upholding the values of traditional marriage!!!

1. Sex is for procreation, not recreation. If you are using birth control (why the heck would you need it?), already have all the kids you want, or don’t want kids at all and you are having sex, you aren’t upholding the traditional purpose of marriage…SINNER!

2. Are you married to someone outside your own race? If you are then you are breaking the traditional view on marriage. Interracial marriage wasn’t even allowed or condoned until the mid-20th century.

3. Are you a non-white person? Then you can’t be married. Tradition in America (at least) dictates that you have no rights and that includes the right to marry.

4. Did you marry for love? Men only married women for property or status originally. Companionship was, more often than not, sought with another — in many cases with a close male friend. Men understand men better, after all! If you didn’t marry for the dowry then shame on you!

5. Are you a woman who has any equal say in your relationship? Why are you not submitting to the will of the man you marry? In a traditional marriage you were required to love, honor and “obey.”

6. Are you a man with only one wife? Stemming back to Biblical times, men were allowed to take multiple wives and concubines. How many wives did Abraham have again?! It wasn’t until the U.S. passed a law prohibiting polygamous marriages that this no longer was allowed. I don’t know why? This was a tradition that is still upheld in some parts of the world.

7. Are you divorced? Divorce is one of the worst things you can do to ruin a ‘traditional marriage.’ How dare you break that sacred bond that was shared between you and your spouse? If you marry again that is even worse. You can only have one holy, sanctimonious marriage.

8. As a woman you know it is your duty to allow your husband sex (for procreative purposes) whenever he wants. If he wants to rape you then by the views of traditional marriage, he can do so. It’s his right!

9. Tradition states that a father can essentially ‘sell’ his daughter to the highest bidder. Back in the day, the girl could be as young as 13 or 14. So long as she was in her ‘child-bearing’ years it didn’t matter how old she was. So, dads, when are you going to start ‘selling’ your teenage daughters?

10. If you are a woman and you lost your virginity before marrying then you are an undesirable. You will either have to spend your days working as a courtesan/prostitute or you will live and die as an old maid.

So, hows about dishing me up a helping of that there traditional marriage? I can totally see where those harping about it are coming from!